As an East Coaster with a proud bias, it came as a bit of a surprise for me to learn that Minneapolis, Minnesota was A. a real place, B. a fun (even hip in a ‘to be square’ kind of way) place, and C. a place I would end up enjoying as much, if not more than (shock of shocks) my home state of Massachusetts. Nevertheless, after a recent Google-based discovery, I remain a bit suspicious of the second Minneapolis. You know; Minneapolis, Kansas: 

Yep... There she be

The state of Kansas eludes me for a number of reasons. I always got the sense it was being mocked in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. I have no idea where to place it on a map. Or why Ar-kansas is pronounced so differently. And then there’s the fact that Kansas City is primarily in Missouri. That just doesn’t happen in Minnesota, let alone on the Least (oops), I mean East Coast. So when I discovered the town of Minneapolis, KS existed, I decided it deserved close scrutiny. 

No, I didn’t actually make the 9 hour-and-21-minute-trip (thank you Google Directions) from Minneapolis to Minneapolis. What kind of unpaid blogger do you take me for? I merely took a wonderful journey on the World Wide Web to a little slice of heaven known as minneapolisksorg.org. What a website! Easy to navigate, straight to the point, with pretty pictures to boot. Minneapolis must be awesome! If you don’t believe me, check out their town mottos (that’s right they have two): ‘A great place to call home’ and ‘Come for a visit … stay for a lifetime’.

Then there’s the pictures. Pretty fall foliage–check. A waterfall cascading onto a frozen river–check plus. Fireworks bursting into the nighttime sky–sounds fun but you’re starting to lose me. Countless piles of rocks–well you had me at pretty fall foliage folks, there’s no need to blow your load on the home page!

Now before you depart our beloved Minneapolis tundra for that other Minneapolis, I should warn you of a few things. First; over the past week, the temperature in Minneapolis (which is prominently displayed on the home page) has strayed several degrees above my “sweating in public is not cool” threshold. Eight church locations are listed for a town of roughly 2,000 people. Employment opportunities are limited to G.L. Huyett, a company that produces grease fitting and o-rings; the Ottawa County Health Center, which presumably produces health; and Dak Plastics, a wholesale fiberglass manufacturing facility. It is also a bit disconcerting that on the “City page” there is a photograph of firemen trying to saw through a flipped-over car alongside a photograph of two ambulances rushing off to duty. Finally, I’m a bit turned off by the list of recreation activities, which includes sports, sports, swimming (apparently not considered a sport in Minneapolis), more sports and hunting. That’s right–nothing else is listed. 

Still, when it comes down to it, I must say I’m intrigued by the bright lights and the promise of a town that proudly proclaims that “The future looks great with continued hard work and investment.” Maybe Dorothy really was sad not to be in Kansas anymore. After all, with a  location just south of Nebraska, to the east of Colorado, west of Missouri (give us our city back!), and north of that notoriously great neighbor Oklahoma, could there be a more wonderful place to call home?

 By Theoharides

With one lake down (the very avoidable Brownie), it’s my proud honor to announce MinnePop’s second least-favorite lake in the Twin Cities! Okay, so it’s not the most impressive announcement–still, I think you might be surprised.

My rating system, as always, is the essence of sagacity and virtue. In other words, I think you can guess where I pulled it out of. When rating the lakes, I took into account four categories: the aesthetics, because lakes, like beauty contestants, only win if they’ve got the goods; the “serenity-now” factor, or how easy it is at each lake to forget about long winters and daily stress; the people watching, oh you know you enjoy it too; and recreation, ’nuff said. Each category was rated on a scale of one to ten (ten being the high, one the low) and the scores were averaged for a grand total “Rate that Lake” score. Most likely I will offend, and I anticipate debate. Tell me what you think. Rip on my rates. Rate my rips.

Lake Calhoun – 5 Points

Calhoun certainly has the accolades, (it was named the Best Public Park of 2008 by a City Pages readers’ poll) and the fanfare (it is the most crowded locale in the Chain of Lakes and is referenced in several local hip-hop jams); however, it lacks charm and grace and is overcrowded with Popeye-forearmed collegiates, tight-jean hipsters, and over-aged men hitting on under-aged girls.

Aesthetics: 4

Calhoun is nearly a perfect circle, has minimal  trees and is surrounded on one side by overgrown condos. While it does get some points for its beaches, southwestern mansions, and great view of downtown Minneapolis, in general, Lake Calhoun’s appearance bores.

Serenity-now: 1

From the first sign of melt, Calhoun is jam-packed with people. It is the lake you visit to see and be seen–not to relax.

People Watching: 10

What can I say–Calhoun brings out the best and the brightest of the “did you just say that?” all stars. There is the elderly couple that rides their bikes in Americana underwear (and nothing butt), the surfer dude who goes shirtless in January, the half-naked coeds and musclebound eds, Big Al Jefferson and his entourage, etc, etc, etc. Just great!

Recreation: 5

Lake Calhoun has three beaches–32nd, North, and Thomas. There is also a restaurant, boat rental, nearby archery range, and close proximity to Uptown. However, most of the activities are hindered by the crowds that partake in them. Enjoyable fishing and canoeing, for instance, are very difficult to find.

The West Hotel, which used to tower over 5th and Hennepin. I'm slobbering all over turn-of-the-century downtown right now.

This is some dangerous business I’ve gotten into. I’ve always thought I nurse an unhealthy level of obsession with details and certain subject matters–old-timey things and local trivia being two big ones of late. To this end, I caught onto a series of Web sites detailing the old-timey architecture of Minneapolis; past, present, and demolished.

Hi, I'm James Lileks. I like old stuff too!

Very interesting stuff, and described in the fun, irreverent voice of Strib columnist James Lileks.

‘Gee, this is a fun way to spend a few minutes on a Friday afternoon,’ I thought.

Then I started peeling the onion. A) This guy is all over the internet, and B) He makes my obsessions look practically ADD in comparison. Take the red pill and follow me down the wormhole, if you will:

Here’s his main “Minneapolis” Web site. Nested inside are five different sites, each devoted to the architectural history in different aspects of our fair city. Inside each of those sites are a half-dozen to a dozen slide shows on the notable buildings contained within.

• There’s Downtown: the granddaddy of the sites, with 40 (count ‘em, 40!) or so slide shows illustrating the greatest architectural hits of then and now, lovingly scanned by hand. All your old pals are there: city hall, Wells Fargo/Norwest, and my personal favorite–scrappy, egotistical little Foshay. Fo’ sho? Yes, Foshay. 
  

  I was the tallest cat in town for a while, I swear!

• There’s the Long Gone section, which–dear god, I didn’t know how deep this goes. The title explains it all, but Lileks (bless him) further breaks our dearly departed structures into more subcategories: Office Blocks, Hotels, the Gateway District, Theaters, Nicollet Ave.–Oh, dear, I’m going to need some smelling salts.
• There’s the University–perhaps we’ll find out how Dinkytown got so dinky.
• The Lakes! My local-trivia sense is tingling.
• And finally, Modernism. Not my favorite (so angular! so unadorned! so avocado!) but still interesting.

Summer is here, Summer is here. Sound the bells, or if you live in my neck-of-the-woods, the tornado sirens, and embrace the arrival of pleasant weather, skirts (fun for the girls and for the boys), and of course the advent of lake season. All of which makes now the perfect time to rate the lakes of our great, waterlogged hub.

My rating system, as always, is the essence of sagacity and virtue. In other words, I think you can guess where I pulled it out of. When rating the lakes, I took into account four categories: the aesthetics, because lakes, like beauty contestants, only win if they’ve got the goods; the “serenity-now” factor, or how easy it is at each lake to forget about long winters and daily stress; the people watching, oh you know you enjoy it too; and recreation, ’nuff said. Each category was rated on a scale of one to ten. Ten being the high, one the low, and the score were averaged for a grand Rate that Lake score. Most likely I will offend, and I anticipate debate. Tell me what you think. Rip on my rates. Rate on my rips.

Each post will cover one lake, starting with…

Brownie Lake – 2.5

Previously known as Hillside Harbor, Brownie may reside at the northernmost point of the chain of lakes, but it is by far the worst of the bunch. Lets just put it this way—you would have to indulge in a particular kind of brownie to enjoy this lake.

Aesthetics: 2 – A small puddle of murky water bordered by a railroad embankment and an I-394 overpass. Only appealing if you’re Sarah, as in Plain and Tall, and haven’t seen water in months.

Serenity-now: 2 – Roadways and train tracks abound. More like, serenity-how.

People Watching: 3 – Points for the abundance of bicyclists, but not much else to see.

Recreation: 3 – According to the official Parks & Rec. site, the lake provides for fishing, non-motorized boats, and archery. Frankly, would you eat those fish?, paddle those boats?, or shoot those arrows?

The kings is dead, the king is dead. The days of Kevin “up and under blow our cover” McHale running the show for the T-Wolves are over. Despite, K-Love’s tweet’s of protestestation–thank god. For the first time, in a long time, the T-Wolves under the direction of new GM David Kahn, appear to have made the right moves in the NBA draft. After they moved up in the draft with their trade of Mike Miller and Randy Foye for the number 5 pick, I was concerned they would end up choosing James Harden. Luckily, Oklahoma made that mistake for us. Lets break down our first round picks:

Ricky Rubio, PG, Spain, 5th pick:

Excitement in an adorable Paul McCartney-meets-Spanish-teenybopper package. At the age of 17 he stood up to the likes of CP3 and D.Williams in the Olympics title game. He should bring some much needed point guard savvy and excitement to Wolves games. 

Jonny Flynn , PG, Syracuse, 6th pick:  

To be fair, I was hoping for Steph Curry. However, Flynn is probably a safer choice. Anyone who watched Syracuse’s 6 overtime thriller knows Flynn can flat out ball. He is a tough-minded point, who should be  able to share the court with Rubio, and help out on the defensive end. 

Ty Lawson, PG, North Caroline, 18th pick:

 Another point guard, but one that won’t stick . Word is TLaw is about to be traded to Denver for a future pick. Smart move by the Wolves. Instead of wasting a late pick in a weak draft, they gave themselves a chance to get a better pick in the future. 

Wayne Ellington, SG, North Carolina, 28th pick:

Strange draft. The T-Wolves somehow managed to draft both members of the Tar Heels’ championship winning backcourt. Ellington gives us a good shooter, and player with the potential to become a good sixth man. A smart, late pick. 

All told a good draft for the Wolves. Here’s to ten years of Ricky Rubio passing the ball to Big Al Jefferson for easy dunks.

The new Uptown Sushi spot is now open for business. It’s just south of 28^th and Hennepin, a particularly convenient location for me. I managed to careen over with a few friends on its opening night to find some loiterers outside the door, waving the sidewalk through the entry. The staff was pleasant from the get-go and eager to introduce us to their particular brand of uptown hip. 

In reality, Mt. Fuji seemed to hold true to pop Japanese, complete with Japanese reality TV on over the bar. The bar, seating, and lighting was all very elegant. The Chefs were preparing all the food behind a glass counter, out in the seating area, where patrons could see all the fresh ingredients going into their rolls and the exactness of the Chefs’ presentation.

There were a couple kinks yet to be worked out in the service, such as lack of individual dishes, and the tap beer that has yet to be installed. However, those few things I expect will be remedied in the first week of business. The sushi is very flavorful, if a bit mild on the spice. I would consider it one of the best places to be introduced to sushi, as well as the place to get very fresh tasting dishes. The heat in the wasabi came up short for some at the table.

Mt. Fuji gets a thumbs up on my end. The rolls and appetizers are great, and the prices during happy hour are really great (mon-thur 4:30-6:30pm & 9:30pm-close). Three dollar Saki and a bunch of rolls under five dollars? It’s definitely worth the cash.

Well, kids, after about 10 visits to Eat Street’s Jasmine Deli, I can no longer keep my praise for the place confined to street-corner soapboxes. I must take it to The Internets, where it might be heard by all who would be delighted by a big bowl of noodley goodness.

First of all, when I say hole in the wall, I mean hole in the wall. I still walk past the door after almost a dozen visits (though that could be because I’m usually in a “noodle bowl noodle bowl noodle bowl” Frankenstein trance as I’m walking up to the place.) The family who runs Jasmine has crammed maybe 10 tables into the space, but for homestyle Vietnamese food this good, you won’t mind rubbing elbows with some hipster strangers–though last time I was there, I saw some adorable grandmas walk in the door, hungry for some noodles, no doubt.

On to the food: I gravitated toward the stir-fried noodle salad on my inaugural trip and couldn’t convince myself to order anything but that for the next six months. They start with a really giant bowl (key), and add lettuce, cilantro, daikon, cucumbers, bean sprouts, peanuts, your choice of protein (I usually go chicken), vermicelli noodles, and some kind of  glorious sweet peanuty sauce loving all over the whole thing. I’m often tempted to just forgo the utensils, no fork or chopsticks, and just go face-first into this happy mishmash. By the way, this is a great date spot, if you restrain yourself properly.

When you can’t wait 15 minutes for your noodle bowl, start off with some veggie-tastic egg rolls–crispy and kinda greasy, but not in a bad way. Theoharides swears by the  Mock Duck Banh Mi (deli sandwich), which seems to be essentially the noodle salad minus the sauce and noodles and crammed into some tasty bread. On my last visit, I got brave (okay, not so brave) and ordered something different–the stir-fried noodles with chicken: think noodle salad, easy on the salad and heavy on the noodles. Delicious. Of course.

Jasmine Deli's Banh Mi--photo from swjournal.com

And did I mention CHEAP!!?? The blissful banh mi is about $4, and the giant face-dunking bowl of noodles runs about $7.  Not bad. Not bad at all.

In college, I had the opportunity to take a creative non-fiction class called Location, Location, Location. The point of the class was that when it came to writing, location, or setting the scene, is everything. The same cannot be said about the places that hold all that wonderfully located writing–namely used bookstores.  The Paperback Exchange, which is located on the corner of 50th and Penn in Southwest Minneapolis, nestled between an out-of-business coffee shop and a fancy-pants French restaurant, doesn’t seem like the likeliest place for a great used book store. However, it is one of the best the Twin Cities have to offer.

Great used book stores are surprisingly difficult to find. All too often, mediocre establishments rely on prime real-estate, and a trendy, we’re-hip-’cause-we’re-square attitude. They fill their store windows with recently released rarities to suck shoppers in, play off-beat jazz to incite spending, and give off the perpetual vibe that unless you’ve read Flaubert’s entire catalog you’re not worth their precious time.

The Paperback Exchange is quite the opposite. Their store front is decidedly modest, and the people working the register emit an aura that is more ‘Amelia Bedelia meets menopause’ then ‘James Dean learns how to read.’ They have a confusing discount system, in which all books are 50% off their back cover prices, unless you have store credit in which case they are 70% off. Furthermore, the layout of the book shelves seem counterintuitive  to the process of book buying (romance novels bordered by crime serials, histories rubbing elbows with young adults). But that is exactly how it should be. There are few things I enjoy more than spending an afternoon sifting through stack-after-stack of cheap paperbacks, in search of that one book I never knew I needed until just this moment. All too often, shopping has become a manicured process. Our options are laid out in front of us. They are clean. They are placed on newly built shelves. And they are waiting for us. When I want that, I can just visit Amazon.com. When I want a good search, I go to the The Paperback Exchange.

Coffee Shop Moment #309:  It is the midst of an afternoon..  A lone barista is working the floor.  Most tables are filled around the coffee shop.  You count the laptops – one, two, three… twelve?  Holy Burundi!  Almost everyone has their face buried in a screen.  Then, slowly, you notice it happening.  One person looks up from behind the lid of their laptop.  The motionless statues start to move.  Another person looks to their left and then their right, with bewildered eyes.  What happened, they seem to say.  Pretty soon all the customers are looking at each other.  “Is it happening to you?” they say to each other without words.  “I don’t know what happened,” the others silently respond.  As the befuddled looks spread across the entire coffee shop, you notice the barista watching the scene, with a subtle sneer.   The coffee shop is full of muted commotion.  Finally, the arms and legs of a laptoper come alive.  The person dislodges their body from behind the table and wanders up to the counter.  “Can I help you?” the barista asks while already knowing the problem.  “Um, yes.  My internet isn’t working.  Can you check the router?” 

Any coffee shop that has framed maps on the wall and plays good hip-hop during the noon hour immediately draws my attention.  At some point throughout the history of Minneapolis, art, tattoos and coffee serendipitously met and started a coffee shop.  This place is now known as the Spyhouse.  

The one I am sitting in right now is located on the corner of Hennepin Ave and 24^th St.  This is the second version of the Spyhouse in Minneapolis.  It is rectangular and it has ample bar space, something that is unique to coffee shops in general.  The seating in a coffee shop can make you “want to go to there”.  This is definitely true for the Spyhouse.  There are plenty of booths, tables, window bar seats and bar seats.  Also, just behind the bar is the dish washing station.  If you are sitting at the bar while a barista is washing dishes, it can get a little awkward.  Sometimes the barista will stare at you while washing dishes.  Embrace the awkwardness, it adds personality.  Who knows, maybe you could even step out from behind your laptop and strike up a conversation. 

I have to mention the coffee.  A sign of a good coffee shop is when they have more than one coffee of the day.  The Spyhouse has six.  Whether you are a coffee with cream kind of person, a drink it black fan, or a cold press lover, they have it all.  Another sign of a good coffee shop is what kind of coffee vessels they keep their coffees of the day in.  The Spyhouse uses glass lined airpots.  These help the brewed coffee stay hot and fresh.  There is nothing worse than plastic airpots with cold, old brewed coffee in them. 

Of course, I have to mention the music also.  You’re not going to hear this kind of music selection in any corporate or franchised coffee shop.  I can say that most of the time I am in the Spyhouse, I like what they are playing.  I’ve had to, on more than one occasion, ask whoever was working who they were playing.  There is a good mix of music that white, hipster people like (the latest, I found, is Fleet Foxes), Kanye West, mellow trance, and Gillian Welch.  I have one complaint though Spyhouse employees – too much White Stripes.   

There is food, there are espresso drinks, it opens early and it closes late.  The people that come in are not as hipster as the old Spyhouse.  This may or may not be a good thing depending on who you are.  The staff is friendly most of the time.  I don’t see what is not to like about this place.  Unless you are looking for that same, safe experience you have every single goddamn time you walk into a Starbucks.  At the Spyhouse you will see just how a coffee shop is run without the use of coffeebots.  The baristas are tattooed, there is style on the walls, good music in the speakers, and a rich coffee in each unique mug you get there. 

It’s time to get political on you. I imagine most of you readers are somewhat plugged into the news. You may not read the NY Times or even the Strib regularly, but I’m sure you know we have a new president, a wicked recession on our hands, and a governor whose main interests appear to be his “no new taxes” pledge and positioning himself for national office.

A couple weeks ago Gov. T-Paw introduced his budget proposal for the 2009-2010 cycle. The way our state budget system works is the Governor introduces his proposal as a starting point in a budgetary conversation, then both chambers of the legislature work it over and pass separate versions, then a committee irons out the difference between the two, and finally it goes before the Governor. Interestingly it doesn’t need the Governor’s signature to pass, however he can pen a veto. Every two years we go through this business and it gets lots of airtime for the simple reason that nothing gets the blood running and the airwaves jabbering quite like a discussion about lots and lots of money, as you may have noticed in regards to the federal stimulus bill. Unlike the federal government, whose debt is in the trillions, the state is legally required to balance its budget.

Early on in his governorship, Pawlenty used a few accounting tricks, and the leveraging of “fees,” and money from the tobacco settlement to balance a fair-sized deficit. This year, we’re caught in an even worse situation. We don’t have the tobacco money to fall back on and those accounting tricks have caught up with us. Right now the state is looking at a $4.8 billion deficit that may climb to $6 billion or even $7 billion, heaven forbid.

The Governor’s budget proposal, made public a few weeks ago, depends on a huge infusion of money from Obama’s stimulus bill. Minnesota is expected to get handed between $3.5 and $4.5 billion, although don’t expect our head executive to be happy about it. No, he is complaining that it’s a poorly constructed bill with too much wasteful spending, never mind that it’s about to save his political ass. He is happy to take the money, no problems with that.

The real problem is that even with federal assistance, we still need cuts to existing programs or raised taxes to account for the remainder of the state deficit. We can’t do new taxes for a couple reasons: A) The “no taxes” pledge, and B) Most economists agree it’s pretty dumb policy to raise taxes during a recession. So those cuts are coming, and they will certainly affect our quality of life. For example, the recent call for a New Minnesota Miracle for our education system seems unlikely to result in any actual improvement to our schools.

As a result, life in Minnesota will almost certainly change. The Governor’s proposal includes a gigantic reduction in Local Government Aid (LGA). Most cities are run through two major funding streams: property taxes and LGA from the state. LGA acts as a great equalizer for the state. It helps pay for police, fire, libraries, and parks in our big cities and our rural hamlets. For small prairie towns, LGA guarantees these basic services. For Minneapolis and Saint Paul, LGA is nearly half the city budget.

Let me dig into this even more in regard to Saint Paul. The proposed cuts to LGA would lop $43.8 million out of the city’s approximate $200 million budget for the next two years. The combined budgets for Saint Paul’s libraries, recreation centers, and city attorney would only equal $34 million. Minneapolis faces a similarly dire situation. The Governor’s proposal and these cuts to LGA, if passed into law, would destroy much of what we love about our cities.

This is where we, the citizens of Minnesota, come in. We do not have to live this way and face the closure of our libraries and parks or the elimination of police officers and fire fighters. YOU can call or write your state legislators to encourage them to restore funding to LGA in the state budget. Save our cities: find their phone numbers and addresses at the state legislature’s website.